Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden [part] thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; [that] the bones [which] thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me [with thy] free spirit.
Psalm 51:6-12
Every Lent I begin with the hope for another of phase transformation.
Every Ash Wednesday I realize (again) that since last year's Lenten practices I have somehow managed to take on the "stuff" of my habits or my desire for a particular self image. There are aspects of all of that which obscure the pure light of Christ deep within my heart. I know that God's grace assures that ember's capacity to shine boldly. I pray for His guidance to show me how I can participate in that process by surrendering and simply getting out of the way.
God is working something new within me...within each of us! And today marks the beginning of another phase of the process of dying so that God's new life cn break forth.
In Barbara Brown Taylor's book An Altar in the World (p. 77) she talks about Ash Wednesday as an invitation to attend your own funeral. What a compelling idea...and depending upon one's age and general state of health and vitality it may be thought provoking, challenging, or depressing. Or...if we are youthful and relying upon the illusion of infallibilty or our own vigor, the notion may be simply irrelevant.
For me, it is an idea that opens thoughts about probability, inevitability and possibility.
Probable and inevitable: Well past the half way point of the fifth decade of life, my body is my best reminder of my own erosion process. Flesh is less firm...there's loose substance where there once was tone...and yet more bulk in areas that were once trim. How can I be both chubby and gaunt, depending upon which segment of my body is under scrutiny? And my hands....as I type at this keyboard the light from the screen illuminates the hands which look, no surprise, more like my mother's than my own....
Enough about the body...as far as I know the only thing going on is a normal aging process... and that is actually a sign of health! It is normal. It is inevitable. And on most days, I am ok with it!
If I accept the invitation to "attend my own funeral" today, my focus will be drawn away from anything of the flesh....which us well on its way to returning to dust. I want to look beyond the "corpse" ... the corporeal... and I want to become transparent. I want to dwell with the idea of what would be seen if the deepest thoughts and feelings of my innermost parts were to become public. (That can be scary!)
Finally,(and this is the only thing that gives me the courage to engage in this process again this year) I want to be reminded that my innermost parts are known clearly by God. I may be able to hide all of "that" from others ...and even from myself for a while.... but not from God. And I yearn for the fulfillment of what is possible...by walking with Christ along the Lenten path....surrendering, dissolving...and allowing Christ to lead me to the victory over all that is killing the REAL life that God has embedded within ME!
How about you... If you look at your behavior and the way your life reflects your innermost parts, do you see ways that YOU have strayed from God's beacon of pure love? What might you do to become more open to the promise that God can and will create within you a clean heart, and a new and right spirit? What might be called to settle into "death" so that God's enlivening action be unleashed?
I pray that you be showered with God's blessings and counsel as you step into Lent, 2009.
No comments:
Post a Comment